Communicating with parents can be a dream but it can also be a HUGE nightmare for teachers. Yes, I said it. We’ve all met those parents who we just don’t know how to deal with – those names you dread seeing on your parents evening schedule, especially when you know they are an upset parent. I’ve found dealing with difficult parents to be one of the toughest parts of the job. One technique that has helped me manage my emotions during these stressful interactions is taking a few deep breaths to calm myself before engaging in conversation.
I’m by no means an expert, but I have encountered parents who I never thought would crack smile during parents evening or recognize the effort being put in to their child. Stepping back and practicing the below has really made a difference in my approach.
Understand difficult parents’ point of view
This takes time but it’s the most important part of developing good relationships with parents. When faced with a difficult parent, my first instinct was to avoid interacting with them but, similar to a challenging student, they have underlying motivations for their behaviour. Be clear and firm with your boundaries but also try to show empathy. Seek to understand them, and find out the underlying issue—understanding their concerns, worries, and fears helps you to see them as another human and effectively address parents concerns. Building self confidence in your approach can also help in managing these interactions more effectively.
Make positive phone calls home to build a positive relationship
I often had difficult relationships with parents of students who I had to sanction often. Keeping parents informed about their child’s progress can help build a positive relationship and alleviate some of their concerns. Of course you should always maintain high expectations of student effort and behaviour but try to end those difficult phone calls on a hopeful, positive note. Look for the things this student does right or, better yet, try to find something specific to praise and call the difficult parent and tell them about it! Avoid always being the bearer of bad news. Chances are they hear a lot of it. With one student after a difficult phone call I agreed to call back over the next 2 weeks to give feedback on how the student is using positive behaviour strategies we discussed.
Stand your ground with angry parents
In contrast to my last point, do not let an angry parent disrespect you. You’re all on the same team! Model clear, polite, civil communication and reiterate why you have made decisions. Do make an effort to build a relationship but don’t allow phone calls to overrun – if it helps have a script or bullet points of what you want to say so you don’t get distracted. If a parent is rude or abusive always tell your line manager or a more senior member of staff. When a parent was rude to me I involved my head of department.
Ask for help
If you are struggling with a few difficult parents, you’re probably not alone. Ask other teachers who teach their child, what do they do. Can you work together to find out what the parent wants? Has anyone else found anything that worked well? If not, work together to find out what does work.
Be in the right frame of mind
Refrain from calling a parent after a difficult exchange with their child or straight after a long and straining day. Instead, take a second for yourself, collect your thoughts, grab a cup of tea and a glass of water. Taking a moment to remain calm can make a significant difference in how you handle the conversation. It might help to make a positive phone call home before calling a difficult parent. Being in a positive mindset will be a big help.
It’s important to remember it’s not about you, personally. Parents are passionate about their children and rightfully so! If you take a step back and seek to understand them, ask your trusted colleagues for support, and stay in the right frame of mind you might be surprised when a thorn in your side quickly becomes your biggest ally and before long positive relationships will be formed between you and your students’ families.
Effective Communication Strategies
Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts with difficult parents. Here are some strategies to help you communicate effectively:
Active listening: Pay attention to what the parent is saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Repeat back what you’ve heard to ensure understanding and show that you’re engaged in the conversation. This not only shows respect but also helps in clarifying any misunderstandings.
Clear and concise language: Avoid using jargon or technical terms that may confuse the parent. Instead, use simple and straightforward language to convey your message. This makes it easier for parents to grasp the information and reduces the chances of miscommunication.
Non-verbal communication: Be mindful of your body language and tone of voice. Maintain eye contact, use open and approachable body language, and speak in a calm and respectful tone. This helps in creating a positive atmosphere and shows that you are approachable.
Empathy and understanding: Show that you care about the parent’s concerns and are willing to work together to find a solution. Use phrases like “I understand your concern” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.” This helps in building trust and shows that you are on their side. Showing empathy and understanding can foster a collaborative relationship focused on the child’s education.
Solution-focused: Instead of dwelling on the problem, focus on finding a solution. Ask the parent for their ideas and work together to find a mutually beneficial solution. This collaborative approach can help in resolving conflicts more effectively.
Dealing with Angry Parents
Dealing with angry parents can be a challenging experience for teachers. It’s essential to remain calm and composed, even when faced with aggressive or confrontational behavior. Here are some tips for dealing with angry parents:
Stay calm and composed: When faced with an irate parent, the first step is to take a few deep breaths. This simple act can help you remain calm and collected, allowing you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Listen actively: Pay close attention to what the parent is saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Show that you are engaged by nodding and making eye contact. Repeat back what you’ve heard to ensure understanding and demonstrate that you’re taking their concerns seriously.
Empathize with the parent’s perspective: Try to see the situation from the parent’s point of view. Acknowledge their feelings and concerns, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. Phrases like “I understand why you’re upset” can go a long way in diffusing tension.
Focus on finding solutions: Instead of dwelling on the problem, work together with the parent to find a solution that meets the child’s needs. Avoid placing blame or becoming defensive. A collaborative approach can help turn a confrontational situation into a constructive one.
Use “I” statements: Communicate your concerns and feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say “I feel concerned when I see that Johnny is struggling with his homework” instead of “You’re not helping Johnny with his homework.” This approach can help keep the conversation focused on the issue at hand without escalating emotions.
Strategies for Effective Parent-Teacher Meetings
Parent-teacher meetings are an essential part of building a positive relationship with parents. Here are some strategies for effective parent-teacher meetings:
Prepare in advance: Gather all relevant information about the child’s progress, including grades, test scores, and any pertinent personal or medical information. Being well-prepared shows that you are invested in the child’s education and ready to address any concerns.
Create a positive atmosphere: Start the meeting on a positive note by asking the parent about their child’s strengths and interests. This can help set a constructive tone for the rest of the meeting and make the parent feel more comfortable.
Focus on the child’s progress: Use the meeting to discuss the child’s progress, both academically and personally. Avoid discussing other children or parents, as this can lead to unnecessary comparisons and detract from the focus on the individual child.
Use clear and concise language: Avoid using educational jargon or technical terms that may be unfamiliar to the parent. Use straightforward language to explain the child’s progress and any concerns. This ensures that the parent fully understands the information being shared.
Listen actively: Pay attention to what the parent is saying and respond thoughtfully. Take notes during the meeting to ensure that you remember any important points or concerns. This shows that you value the parent’s input and are committed to working together for the child’s benefit.
Building a Supportive Community
Building a supportive community is essential for managing difficult parents. Here are some ways to build a supportive community:
Communicate with colleagues: Share your experiences and concerns with colleagues and ask for their advice and support. Often, they might have faced similar situations and can offer valuable insights.
Seek support from administrators: Don’t be afraid to seek support from administrators if you’re dealing with a difficult parent. They can provide guidance and support to help resolve the situation. Having an administrator present during meetings can also help in maintaining a professional atmosphere.
Build relationships with parents: Take the time to build relationships with parents, even if they’re not being difficult. This can help to prevent conflicts and create a more positive and supportive community. A simple gesture like a positive phone call home can go a long way.
Foster a positive school culture: Encourage a positive school culture by promoting respect, empathy, and understanding. This can help to create a more supportive and inclusive community. When parents see that the school values these principles, they are more likely to mirror them. Being well-prepared from the start can set a positive tone for the entire school year.
Documenting Interactions
Documenting interactions with difficult parents is essential for managing conflicts and preventing future problems. Here are some tips for documenting interactions:
Keep a record of communication: Keep a record of all communication with the parent, including emails, phone calls, and meetings. This helps in keeping track of what has been discussed and agreed upon.
Document incidents: Document any incidents or conflicts that occur, including the date, time, and details of what happened. This provides a clear account of events and can be useful if the situation escalates.
Keep a record of agreements: Keep a record of any agreements or resolutions that are reached, including the details of what was agreed upon and any follow-up actions that need to be taken. This ensures that both you and the parent are on the same page.
Share documentation with administrators: Share your documentation with administrators, especially if you’re dealing with a difficult parent. This can help to provide context and support if a conflict arises. It also ensures that the administration is aware of the situation and can step in if needed.
Managing Time and Energy
Dealing with difficult parents can be emotionally draining and time-consuming. Here are some tips for managing your time and energy:
Set clear boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around your time and energy. Let parents know when you are available to meet or discuss their concerns. This helps manage their expectations and ensures that you have time to recharge.
Prioritize self-care: Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. This can include exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones. Prioritizing self-care helps maintain your well-being and resilience.
Seek support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from colleagues, school administrators, or a mentor. Talking through challenging situations with someone who understands can be extremely valuable. They can offer advice, share their experiences, and provide emotional support.
Take breaks: Take regular breaks throughout the day to recharge and refocus. This can help prevent burnout and reduce stress. Even a short walk or a few minutes of deep breathing can make a significant difference.
Stay organized: Keep track of parent-teacher meetings, emails, and phone calls using a planner or digital tool. This can help you stay organized and ensure that you follow up with parents in a timely manner. Staying organized reduces stress and helps you manage your time more effectively.
By following these strategies, you can build a positive relationship with even the most difficult parents, ensuring a smoother and more productive school year for both you and your students.
Setting Boundaries and Expectations
Setting boundaries and expectations is essential for managing difficult parents. Here are some tips for setting boundaries and expectations:
Communicate clearly: Communicate clearly and respectfully with parents about your boundaries and expectations. Let them know what is acceptable and what is not.
Set clear expectations: Set clear expectations for parent-teacher interactions, including the frequency and format of communication. This helps in managing their expectations and reduces the chances of misunderstandings.
Establish boundaries: Establish boundaries around your time and availability, including your work hours and contact information. This ensures that you have time to recharge and prevents burnout.
Be consistent: Be consistent in enforcing your boundaries and expectations, even if it’s challenging or uncomfortable. Consistency helps in reinforcing the boundaries and makes it easier for parents to understand and respect them.
Seek support: Seek support from administrators or colleagues if you’re struggling to set or enforce boundaries with a difficult parent. They can provide guidance and support, and sometimes, having an administrator present can help in maintaining a professional atmosphere.
By following these strategies, you can build a positive relationship with even the most difficult parents, ensuring a smoother and more productive school year for both you and your students.
